Breaking Dawn..

Lately, I've been reading Breaking Dawn. I hate when I read a Twilight book.. Because I start to face reality of what REAL Love is. I know. How can a fictional book depict REAL Love? Well every fake or fictitious thing is based off something real. The connection between Edward and Bella is soo strong, I can feel it through the words on the page. That's what I want.. A strong love. Or maybe subliminally, this could mean that Love is a factious thing? A state of mind if you will.. No doubt, the POWER of this state of mind is beyond all comparison to any human ability.. But something about Love, doesn't seem Real to me..

Granted, it could just be the Love that I have received that is fictitious, but then I look at the others around me "in love" and I see their boyfriends cheating like crazy and I have no clue how that could be Real.. Maybe it could just be that they fell victim to falling in love with  the wrong person.. I mean not everyone can fall in love with a vampire. I can honestly say.. I DID fall in love with a vampire before.. He wasn't the Edward Cullen type, although he had his many traits.. Irresistible looks, infallible sense for my feelings, had me completely wrapped. That was the Realest love I ever emitted from my soul.. But unlike Bella Swan, mine turned to a lie.. I didn't get the fairytale ending quite as she..

Then I often get the question about the "Relationship" I'm in now.. Am I REALLY in love and is it Real.. Honestly.. There's only ONE person that knows the true answer to that in detail.. I shall NEVER reveal my true thoughts on the matter.. But I do know that what I feel for him is real.. As far as his behalf? Who knows? I only know what he TELLS me and what he shows.. Sometimes.. Most of the time, though, they contradict one another.. But who am I to question one's Love right? I'm rambling.. But that's what you're here to do.. To read my rambles and FEEL what I feel.

So Really then.. Is Love Real? I swear the world will NEVER know..

Quote..

"You gotta go through the bad ones to find the right one.. It’s like pickin’ blunts.. Swishers are good, but they can fall apart and you gotta repair em and can always rip beyond repair.. When White Owls are just perfect.. Well.. For me at least."

- Greg Bernard Green, on finding the right person.

Hellooooo. ;)

Helloo. Teixeira Williams. 18. 112791. Single. Freshman. 

I'm the opposite of YOU. The opposite of anything you've heard. Off rip. 

The problem with society today, is that they judge with their ears, instead of the facts. Countless times I hear, "You're nothing like what people say about you." Yeah, because I'm not. I try to avoid getting offended. I created a reputation for myself and I live with those consequences.. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a damn thing. People will judge you reguardless of WHAT you're doing.. Good or bad. It's life. EVERYONE judges. And don't come at me with that bull saying you don't judge.. You do. It's human nature. A first nature at that. People think I'm cocky, but can't name a time they've heard me brag. People SAY I'm a whore but can't name a single person I've slept with.. Why? Hmm.. Almost 19 and STILL a Virgin. I take pride in that.. And for those of you that think that's bull.. Name a guy. I'm the girl my friends come to for everything, yet when it's time for me and my problems, no one is ever there.. I never understood that. But the goodness in my heart, won't allow me to leave a person in the dark.. I'm just a good person..
* Wait.. I lied.. There is ONE person who listens.. Greg G. He's effing amazing. I wish he were like, my biological brother. He gives the BEST advice.. And is always there. He's truly a blessing. Wouldn't trade him for the world.. 

I graduated high school with a 3.8 grade point average. 29 ACT Score. High FCAT scores as well. 29.5 credits. And was basically Top 10% of my class. I take pride in that as well. But it means nothing when you're stuck at home in your hometown doing nothing with it. No one knows of my constant struggles.. But that's what this blog is for.. I PROMISE I will never hold a thing back.. I'm not at a University, because of a boy, whose name I'd rather not yet mention. NEVER do what any guy wants you to do, that's the opposite of what I did, and now I regret it. I have a mother that didn't want me to go away for school.. Little does she know.. Come next year, I WILL be applying for USF. I refuse to surround myself with these worthless people in this town..

Haha, "Worthless people." It's funny because, I used to want soo baldy for these same "Worthless people" to accept me. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted all the friends. I wanted the popularity.. I wanted it ALL. But the older I get, the more I realize.. Who the fuck are they?? They breathe the same air I breathe. They were born into imperfection just as I was, what makes them BETTER than me?? Absolutely NOTHING. This epiphany.. I wish I would've had ages ago. Seriously.. But I was ignorant and stupid. Life goes on.. Falling in Love with "that boy", gave me a social standpoint. I believe that's why I stayed like a fucking idiot.. It wasn't him, it was the reputation.. Lol. Young and dumb. But I promise you, I'm learning.

But anywho.. I created this blog to write and express.. To enlighten and insight.. To be free from judgements, although I can't escape that.. To just vent. Pass your judgements on me and wallow in your sorrows. I just kindly as that you don't bring me down with you.. I'm just fine at my level. Living my life before it get's taken away.. Because I know when that day comes, everyone will love me, and I'll have all the friends in the world. And no one will judge me. I'll have that reputation I soo longed for ignorantly.

And I will be free. <3